Singer, entrepreneur and pastor Banky W has pushed back strongly against the popular belief that most marriages do not work.
During a live recording of the MENtality With Ebuka podcast hosted by Ebuka Obi-Uchendu, Banky W responded to a young audience member named Mayowa who argued that most marriages fail. The conversation touched on marriage, trust, relationship deal breakers and generational differences in how people view the institution.
Banky W did not hold back.
“Let me push back on that. Your statement is categorically wrong because the data doesn’t show that most marriages don’t work out. In fact, the data shows that most marriages do work out,” he said.
He challenged the young man and the wider audience to examine what they choose to focus on.
“If your focus is on the ‘tea’ with bad marriages, it’s like spending all day in the gutter and wondering why you’re smelling. News on good marriages don’t trend because, to be honest, they’re boring gist. I’m not saying bad marriages don’t exist, but they’re given much more attention and air time nowadays. You also need to be careful because some of it isn’t even true.”
Banky W pointed to the role of social media algorithms in shaping perceptions.
“I believe it boils down to what the individual wants to consume. The thing about the algorithm is it’ll show you what you like to see. If you’re looking for scandals, bad news, and ‘tea,’ you’ll get more of that, but that doesn’t mean that the good doesn’t exist.”
He went further to explain why many people today feel less excited about marriage.
“I think one of the reasons why people are no longer so excited about marriage aside from the bad news about marriages is that marriage is probably the greatest character building institution. You can’t go into a marriage with a self centered mentality. If one or both partners have that mindset, it’s harder because character building, by definition, will cost you. It’ll hurt, it’ll require sacrifice, and a bit of pain. God will use the two of you to sharpen each other.”
Banky W painted a realistic yet hopeful picture of what lasting marriage requires.
“I think if you can go through these experiences and come out on the other side, you’ll find that, not only would your love be stronger, but as a person, you’ll be wiser, tougher, more resilient, and a better person. It’s a balance between that and loving yourself because that is also important but if you want to make a marriage work with another person, there’s a level of putting yourself down that you’d have to accept. You’ll have to value another person’s position at least as much as your own, if not more.”
He concluded that successful unions are built by imperfect people who choose each other daily.
“If both partners share that mindset or prioritizing their partner, that’s when the marriage works. You now have two people who are imperfect, but who are trying because they have found somebody who’s worth trying for. Marriage is really about two imperfect people finding someone they want to fight for, try for, and build with. If you have that, marriage can be the most beautiful thing you’ll experience in life. It will have its tough times, but it’ll end up beautiful.”
Banky W has been married to actress Adesua Etomi-Wellington since November 2017. The couple, who share two children, are often held up as one of Nollywood and music’s most stable unions. His comments come at a time when many young Nigerians openly express fear of marriage after watching high-profile breakups and endless online “tea.”
The live episode mixed audience questions with candid talk on trust, materialism and modern relationships, giving Banky W the platform to offer a counter-narrative rooted in both data and personal conviction.